you’re so damn irreplaceable and so influential in my life.
i love being outside your games and seeing how your mind works. I love that you confide in me and we have this unique friendship that is irrespective of anything or anyone else. i love having someone that asks so little from me but i am willing to give so much. and i love having a friend that never confuses or manipulates me.
Everybody wants a reason for everything.
It’s so much easier with someone or something to blame.
I’ve always struggled at the root of the problem.
Has it been absence or my constant lack of defense?
I’ve never spent a lot on finding a remedy.
I guess I figured that it hurt for a reason.
I guess that’s why I’ve always turned to writing it down.
Not just in stories, but the letters in between.
And I guess that’s why it haunts the pages of everything-
I think the thing is that I shut off from everything.
From friends and family and my own ambitions.
From having fun.
I just shut off from everything.
Self-defeating? Yeah, probably.
But I don’t know that I had total control over it.
And I’m not sure it even matters why.
Sometimes things happen and you can’t do anything.
Plus, I’m the only one who deals with it anyway.
So if everyone could do me a favor and
just put their fingers down
I’d-and keep your mouths-
Sorry. I know I seem angry.
I’m not, I…I promise. I just know I did this to me.
And I will deal with it accordingly.
And I don’t need opinions from those never a part of it.
Don’t need them pointing out my problems, they’re mine.
Don’t need reminders, I know better than anyone.
And yeah, I know, I should be finding another way.
I know that I should be out seeking a substitute.
But just forgetting never really made sense to me.
So I haven’t been.
Drugs (Life Science Library), USA, 1967
(Source: google.com, via k4nt)
be the best you, you can be.
im trying really hard, but i can't control everything and it's killing me.
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